Photo Credit: Michael Gottlieb

I know this sounds wrong, but after watching the so-bad-it’s-good movie Mannequin (1987) starring the gorgeous Kim Cattrall (pre- Sex and the City, of course) and adorable Brat Pack alum Andrew McCarthy, all I want to do is hide in between the clothing racks at Bloomingdales, sneak out after hours with a hottie, try on all of the most expensive clothes and slide across the makeup counter in Louboutins while lip-synching 80s tunes. Role play is so sexy! I’d love to switch from rocker babe to Gatsby-esque flapper to modern uptight socialite to East Hampton bathing beauty all within an evening’s time. I am sure the rent-a-cops would have a blast watching it all on tape the next day.

A pan with only a few lingering driblets of red sauce is like the messy bed after a night of ravenous lovemaking.- Me

There’s a scene in the movie “Meet Me In St. Louis” (1944) where Esther Smith (Judy Garland’s character) swoons over the guy who recently moved in next door. She sits on her windowsill, twirling her hair and gazing at him from a few yards away. Of course, he doesn’t see her. He doesn’t even know her. But she’s already in love—determined to find a way to strike up a romance with John Truitt, the sweet-eyed cutie pie who lives at 5133 Kensington Avenue.

I never thought the same thing would happen to me.

Oh, it happened to me.

The second I moved into my old apartment and saw him through the peephole, I knew I just had to see this scruffy, rugged outdoorsman eat my cooking like a caveman – down n’ dirty – without a fork. I wanted to make a mess with him in my kitchen. If only I could get him to notice me.

I had done everything from listen to the wall with the back of my martini glass in lieu of a stethoscope. I pressed my back against the wall to feel his footsteps in the next room. Let’s be honest: we all know that I wanted him in my room. Better yet, in my bed.

I’d go downstairs to put my laundry in the wash then fall asleep on my couch, humming the Mr. Rogers theme song. I would accidentally leave a thong, a sock or an oven mitt on the floor as bait. He would casually knock on my door to ask if I’d been missing an item of clothing. I almost replied, “I’d love to be…” But instead I just invited him in for a glass of wine.

One night around 11:30, I arrived at his door wearing a pink and black cheetah print dress, carrying a steaming plate of yum yums. He was confused, but he sure was happy to see me. I didn’t know whether it was the food or the dress. Nonetheless, my cooking began a two-year fling with the smokin’ hot boy next door.

I love feeding people, but I especially enjoy feeding men I date. I also love when they cook for me (hint, hint). Cooking is such an act of communion with your lover. It’s all about adoration, appreciation, and sex appeal. Try this recipe for your sweetie and you’ll see and taste exactly what I mean.

Tease Me, Please Me Turkey Burgers Stuffed with Mozzarella (Topped with Roasted Tomatoes & Pesto)

What you’ll need:

• 1 lb. ground turkey
• 2 eggs
• 1 handful of breadcrumbs
• Fresh parsley
• 1 mozzarella ball per patty (so have about 5 or 6 ‘mozz balls on hand!)
• Basil
• 3 chopped garlic cloves
• 1 finely chopped onion
• Olive oil

For the roasted tomato-pesto mixture:
Pick up some fire-roasted tomatoes from the deli bar at your local grocery store. You can even use sun-dried tomatoes (my favorite) for this recipe! This recipe doesn’t require a homemade pesto sauce. Why go out of your way to make it when you can find something perfectly delicious in the sauce aisle? After all, we’re only using it as a condiment here. And it’s going to be yum-a-licious.

What to do:

1. Mix ground turkey with breadcrumbs and eggs, then add the garlic, onion, chopped parsley, chopped basil, 1 teaspoon of salt and 1/2 teaspoon black pepper. I also like to add a teaspoon of olive oil for extra flavor.

2. Use your hands to mix everything together nicely.
Form medium-sized patties in the palms of your hands, then press a small mozzarella ball right into the center of the burger patty.

3. Bake your patties on a non-stick cookie sheet for about 15 minutes at 350 degrees, or until the burgers are golden brown and cooked thoroughly on the inside and outside. The mozzarella will ooze out of the burger when you cut into it…delicious!

4.  Top with your roasted tomatoes and store-bought pesto sauce. This turkey burger is so delicious that it doesn’t even need a bun. But if you need your carb fix, be my guest. And enjoy!