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Five ways to unwind after work

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If there is a job where you come home refreshed and full of energy instead of glassy-eyed and tired, where do I apply? Sitting at a desk, staring at a computer or doing anything “office-y” for eight hours straight can deplete anyone’s energy. Here are five things you can do to transition into “relaxation mode” and make the most of those precious hours at home.

1. Pass on the vino

I know, I don’t like it either, but study after study has shown than even drinking one glass of pinot noir disrupts sleep. It helps you fall asleep, but doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll stay asleep. When the alcohol level in your blood decreases, you will become more active—aka start tossin’ and turnin.’ Though much more boring, opt for chamomile tea instead. (Would it be weird to put it in a wine glass?)

2. Have dinner planned, or better yet, ready!

Whenever I read those articles about people who prepare all their meals for the week on Sunday, I cringe. Sunday is a day of rest, a day of laziness, a day of take-out! As the old adage goes though: don’t mock it ‘til you try it.

The few times I’ve been in Type-A mode and actually tried it were amazing! There’s nothing quite like walking in to a home-cooked meal that you prepared every night of the week! Unless cooking really relaxes you, who wants to come home and start whipping up a meal? If you can make the time, simply prepare 5 meals (they can be repeats) on Sunday and put them in the freezer for the rest of the week. If you can’t bring yourself to waste that precious weekend time at least have your groceries bought for the week because no one likes stopping at the store on the way home.

3. Change into (cute) PJs

My mother always wore her jeans right up until she went to bed and I never understood it. I’m a change-as-soon-as-I-walk-in-the-door kinda gal. Swapping work duds for comfy clothes helps you transition to, well, lazy time. Blouses, skirts, bras! None of those say, “I’m ready to unwind.” (And do yourself a favor, nix the ratty college t-shirt and sweats for a pair of cute jammies. Target sells tons of adorable [and affordable] pajama sets your husband, boyfriend or dog is sure to love.)

4. Take a yoga class or go for a walk

Any kind of activity—especially one that rejuvenates you—is a great way to feel like you did something besides “go to work and come home.” Opt for yoga for before dinner or a walk afterwards to not only aid in digestion, but to get some fresh air.

5. Light some candles and take a bath

Baths are a luxury. One that not all apartment-dwelling folk (me) are lucky to indulge in. If you are the proud owner of a tub, take a dip! Really, there is no other home-remedy more relaxing (okay maybe there’s one…). Light some candles, grab a book and try not to think about tomorrow!

How to maintain a stress-free relationship into the fall

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When most of us think about the summer, we think about carefree beach days, blocking the sunshine with oversized shades, careless nights and long days. It’s easy to be stress free when the sun’s shining in your face and your only concern is how much hangovers suck and how it’s… so… bright.

But what happens when everything starts winding down? The days become shorter, the nights start slowing down and cooling off. For some, school starts again, work picks back up. Perhaps more importantly, it’s time to decide if your summer fling can carry on into the fall. Whether you were in a relationship over the summer or if you recently met a hunk and started a romance, everything seems to be easier in the summer. But it’s not so hard to bring that flame into the fall.

My boyfriend and I started dating in the summer and spent our days at the pool and evenings downtown. Recently, we both had to make an effort to take this romance through the cool, cooler and cold—and I’m not just talking about the weather. We are both hard-working professionals with jam-packed schedules, and we live about 40 minutes apart.

Neither of us like waiting until the weekend to see each other, so we created a “date night.” It’s the same day every week—Wednesdays for us; it’s our slower day. We cannot cancel or postpone, unless there’s an emergency. We don’t always go out, but we’re always together on “date night.” That eases my mind, since I’m such a creature of habit. And…we get to unwind together, mid-week, which is a de-stressor in itself. However, he’s more spontaneous. If he meets me midweek every week, it’s only right I meet him halfway. He likes to take-off on random, short-distance road trips—New York City, Maryland, Pennsylvania and D.C., to name a few. So I tag along. It feels good to get away, especially with each other. We see new sites, I get to know more of his friends and it’s just the two of us.

If you both have similar schedules, it’s pretty easy to do. If not, consider rearranging schedules on alternating months and go somewhere together. Traveling with a partner builds a different kind of bond a dinner and a movie can’t. Sure, I’ve thrown my share of Tupperware® dishes filled with homemade peanut butter cookies into apartment parking lots—don’t ask!—and we don’t always get along. But we let each other know we care for each other with a balanced combination of consistency and spontaneity.

So, breathe in; take some time for yourself and your man. Relax. Woosah.

What about your gal pals?: keeping close with friends in your busy lifestyle

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Ah, college. It was such an easy time in life. The hardest thing you had to do was write that 15-page paper the night before it was due. But whenever you needed a break, you could go knock on someone’s door. Presumably, that someone would be one of your girlfriends. Even if she was just a classmate, you had someone to commiserate with over a latte or a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. That’s what was so great about living in a dorm; most of my girlfriends were within reach. We either lived in the same building or only maybe a few buildings apart. It was easy to pick up the phone or go on the computer and set up a date to go to the dining hall with, find someone to watch American Idol with or just find someone to chat with while I put off writing that 15-page paper.

The ease of college life and living spoiled me because once I graduated I was in for a surprise. It’s not always that easy to make time for your girlfriends once they don’t live right next door. When you become an “adult,” you have a new set of responsibilities and seeing your friends for a chat or a pint of ice cream may be on the top of the list, but you can’t always get to it.

Now that my friends and I are getting older, we’re learning that we have to make a conscious effort to see each other. That means it can be weeks or months before it actually happens. Work, grad school and boyfriends are just the most common of our road blocks. We make plans, and something suddenly comes up or then we have no money. Often we as women ask ourselves, “What about my friends?” It’s imperative to have a solid group of ladies in your life. They’re the ones that keep you from losing your mind or salvaging the little mind you have left. In the two years since I’ve graduated from college, I’ve come up with some tricks that work for keeping your girlfriends in your life and therefore maintaining your sanity when times get tough.

1. Find something you can do together. Whether it is a class or just something that’s fun like trivia night at a bar. One of my friends and I decided that we were going to find an activity to do together. We chose yoga. That way, we were guaranteed to see each other at least once a week and we could get in shape at the same time.

2. Make at least one friend at work. These are probably the women you see more than anyone else, so find one (or more) ladies that you get along with and would want to spend time with in a social setting. This way after work if you want to grab a quick drink or dinner you may have someone at the next desk (or whatever) who will want to join you.

3. Use the social networking media you have. You follow your friends on Facebook and Twitter right? But don’t just use it to follow their status updates or find out the cool and exciting things they’ve been doing and not respond! It’s the perfect way to start a conversation. For example, “Hey! I saw that cute Marc Jacobs bag you posted on your Twitter, where did you get it?” The lines of communication are already open so take advantage!

4. Schedule a time to catch up. I have a friend who lives in Asia and with the half a day time difference and her constant traveling, it is often hard to keep in touch. So when it’s been a while and we haven’t talked, we’ll set up a phone date. This way we have set up time in our schedules and know that we have blocked out a solid amount of time to talk.

These are just a few ideas that have worked for me. Use them as you will but also try other things that fit into your lifestyle. Your friends are important; you should always make sure that you have them close to you!

Is chick-lit real lit?

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I was certain the most important debate in the literary world (or just in my mind) involved e-books versus, well, book-books…

Half of my brain says the traditional joy of holding a book with a cover and pages couldn’t be surpassed by high-tech digital gadgets. Yet the other half says this triumph of technology making its way into the literary world must surely be the wave of the future. Either way, reading, in any form, is about the enjoyment of the experience and the enlightenment a well-written piece can bring to an individual’s life. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

On August 25, I happened upon a debate that made me consider how incorrect I may be. It’s a literary spat that runs much deeper than its surface jabs may suggest; it has more to do with readers and writers critiquing and grading books for their “superiority” than to simply appreciate the act of reading. The debate prompts readers: is “chick lit” and women’s fiction real lit?

I read the Wall Street Journal’s Robbie Whelan’s comment via Twitter (retweeted by best-selling author Jennifer Weiner), “Picoult & Weiner arent (sic) only bad writers, but also idiotic, obnoxious brats.”

“Why?” I wondered, feeling the muscles in my forehead contract. After following the tweet trail, I realized the issue began when best-selling author Jodi Picoult blasted the endless media coverage of critically acclaimed author Jonathan Franzen, who recently released a new book titled “Freedom.” Picoult tweeted on August 16, “NYT raved about Franzen’s new book. Is anyone shocked? Would love to see the NYT rave about authors who aren’t white male literary darlings.”

It was on August 23 that Jennifer Weiner joined in with refreshing, wry banter about the chopped-liver status of female writers who find themselves under the awkward umbrella of chick-lit.

I’m not sure I even know what constitutes chick-lit. I believe there is a market for stories about young, professional women strapping on their stilettos before romping around with girlfriends to meet boys, but if that is the traditional definition of chick-lit, then Picoult and Weiner need not apply. Their novels always involve a female protagonist, but there is always a complex relationship, remnants of lingering pain from childhood or an emotional strife at the base of the plotline that eventually leads the character to understand herself or the situations around her from a new perspective.

I know, as do many other women (and undoubtedly many well-informed, open-minded, evolved men), that Picoult and Weiner along with their women’s fiction literary counterparts write relatable, entertaining novels that provide an emotional education for the reader. Oddly enough, I could say the same about the work of many male writers. For example, one of my all-time favorite books is “Revolutionary Road,” a fictional lamentation of the bored, stifled existence of married Connecticut suburbanites and the eventual implosion of their lives. This book was thought-provoking, delightfully disturbing (in a great way) and responsible for revolutionizing the way I viewed my own life and future plans; it provided me with an emotional education.

“Revolutionary Road” would sit nicely alongside many books categorized as women’s fiction, yet it receives an elevated status, perhaps as “literary fiction” authored by a male, Richard Yates. I wonder if Franzen’s novel, “Freedom,” which discusses a fractured American family, receives literary distinction for the same reason. As Weiner points out during an August 26 interview with the Huffington Post, “I think it’s a very old and deep-seated double standard that holds that when a man writes about family and feelings, its literature with a capital L, but when a woman considers the same topics, it’s romance, or a beach book – in short, it’s something unworthy of a serious critic’s attention.”

In the four weeks since this situation arose, there have been countless articles written–many in support of Picoult, Weiner and the entire women’s fiction genre. But there are certainly those who have, in so many words, insinuated that commercial women’s fiction writers are nothing more than winey crybabies who annually churn out mindless nonsense, similar to Whelan’s sentiments that initially alerted me.

It concerns me that women who write for a predominantly female audience are being attacked so blatantly. Tastes are entirely subjective and not everyone will like everything, all the time. But authors like Picoult and Weiner are not being attacked for the prose they write nor for the plotlines they construct (Weiner speculated in a tweet that she doesn’t believe many of her detractors have even read her writing), but for the simple fact that they are women writing for women. Sexism, anyone?

The more I think about it, the more I want to argue this as a status or class issue rather than an issue of sexism. This is a particularly touchy subject in the United States, but I think some people like to make sure other people know what they are reading and what genre they appreciate the most. It’s a sort of elitist effort to be seen as intellectual. I think this may also be a matter of condescension toward commercial writers. Commercial fiction often evokes emotions, while its literary cousin twice removed is all about highbrow thought processes and social commentary.

I can’t help but see many similarities among the two fiction sub-genres especially in terms of theme, conflict, relationships and style. However, commercial fiction reaches the masses and speaks to the general public. As a result, these are the books that grace the best-seller lists. Literary fiction, on the other hand, reaches the critics, speaks to a much smaller segment of people and these are the books that critics choose to review. This reminds me of that joke – “if a tree falls in the forest…” if a literary novel makes the critic’s review but no one was there to read it, was it worth the critical accolade?

I don’t intend to disparage literary fiction the way others have done to commercial fiction, nor would I ever disrespect prominent harbingers of news and culture (and book reviews) like the New York Times or Time Magazine. But reading shouldn’t be about status or bullying.

My advice is to read what informs you, what inspires you and what entertains you regardless of what highfalutin snobs say you should read. Cataloging books in a library or bookstores allows for easy access, but categorizing books to elevate the status of one while demeaning the inherent value of another is crass, pointless and not-in-a-good-way exclusive. Chick-lit, women’s fiction, mystery, romance, sci-fi, romance, etc. – all real lit!

The jury is still out as to whether I’ll actually succumb to the e-reader phenomenon. However, no matter what I decide, I’ll be reading whatever I like regardless of whether or not it’s technically considered intellectual. Isn’t that rule #1 to empowered womanhood – “be who the woman you are, not the woman others think you ought to be”?

P.S. Early on in this discussion, I began following Jonathan Franzen on twitter. I can’t believe I am about to say this, but I am glad I did. He seems to have a very odd, sardonic sense of humor, which I really like. See what you think by following him at @EmperorFranzen, and keep up with this debate by following Jennifer Weiner at @jenniferweiner and Jodi Picoult @jodipicoult. Of course, you can always follow me, too @jmorrispisani.

Surviving life’s low points: the power of positive affirmations

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We have all been there—that moment when life brings us to our knees, asking the heavens, “Why? “What have I done to deserve this? Alright. I’ve gotten away with a few white lies. But do I really deserve this punishment?”

When things in life don’t go according to “our plans,” we begin to question where we went wrong and what we can do to change it. We have this constant need to be in control of our current circumstances. When life happens according to its own plan, it’s a smack in the face; a reminder that we are not in control and are very much alive. To paraphrase a quote by life coach Martha Beck, whatever’s “out there” isn’t trying to ruin our lives. It’s trying to save our lives. If we learn to give into the lows as well as the highs, we’ll start to realize that everything happens for a reason. Often, it’s a good one.

Giving Up Vs. Giving In

The first step to healing is to give in. This is not to be confused with giving up. Giving in involves accepting things as is and letting go of the resistance that brings pain, tension, and fear. The difference between giving in and giving up is that “giving in” involves hope, faith, and confidence. No matter how horrible things may seem, they will in fact get better.

Spiritual teacher Dr. Wayne Dyer advises us to deal with the low points in our lives by embracing a positive belief in the Universe. As he wrote in his article, Restore Your Faith, “Life is made of peaks and valleys, and being in a valley doesn’t mean there isn’t a peak on the horizon. In fact, it’s usually a good indication that something great is going to come your way. When you’re at a low point in your life, keep moving. The only direction you can go is up.”

Healing is a choice; your choice, to be exact. You can choose to deal with the pain now by allowing yourself enough time to go through the “five stages of grief,” or avoid the pain at all costs and delay your process of healing and self-growth. Just remember that masking the pain is like applying foundation to a blemish; it might cover it up, but when you wipe it all away the true problem is still there.

Turning Obstacles Into Opportunities

When we’re feeling down it’s easy to get sucked into a vacuum of negative thinking. “I’m not good enough, nothing is ever going to change, life sucks”…we’ve all given into these thoughts and attitudes at some point in our lives. After a series of bad heartbreaks I myself was convinced there was a “kick me” sign hanging right above the doorway to my heart. One of my exes even managed to break my heart and my wallet at the same time. I got an, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you. And by the way, I’ve just cleared out your bank account.” He stated this a lot more nicely, of course, but it cut me just the same. For years I sat there and complained about how horrible my “love life” was and how men were no good, until I realized that the one holding up the “kick me” sign was me.

To turn a low into a high you have to accept that despite external factors, you are in control of your happiness. Turn your pain into power by focusing on the good in your life and remaining positive. When things go wrong, it’s normal to turn all of your focus on the “bad” instead of “the good.” In the example I mentioned above, it was hard for me to see the good in life at the time, but hindsight is 20/20.

Take the “low” points in your life as opportunities to focus on the things you have always wanted to do and CAN change. So you just lost your job. “Maybe I CAN take this opportunity to go back to school or land the job I really wanted. Your boyfriend just dumped you? The jerk probably doesn’t deserve you anyway, so take the focus away from that failed relationship and use it to better yourself. The two hours you spent talking on the phone can be better spent increasing endorphins at the gym. It’s something that will not only relieve some stress but make you feel more fabulous, too.

Claim Your Victory

Best-selling motivational author Louise Hay believes you can transform your life by staying positive. In an interview with Oprah, Hay stated, “You have to start saying things that make you feel really good about yourself. “I love who I am. I love life. Life loves me. It’s going to be smooth and easy. Life works for me.’ And you just start doing that—it’s planting seeds. You’re not going to get it the first day, but you plant a seed and you water it and you continue the affirmations, and things start to shift and change in your life.” So ditch that self-defeatist attitude and claim your victory now. The more you practice being a happier you, the easier it will be to survive the lows in this wave we call life.

What’s on our iPod: a zen playlist to bring you back to center

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Have you ever watched a horror film with the sound off? Try it sometime; it’s almost comical to watch the over-dramatic, fear-filled expression on the actor’s face. To make it even more humorous, play your own soundtrack to the movie and watch Jason running around with a chainsaw to “Single Ladies” by Beyonce, while all the victims “put their hands up, oh, oh, oh.” A major reason a horror flick can strike terror in us isn’t necessarily the goriness or the dark, creepy, characters; it’s the music behind it all. The Dum-Dum-Dum tells us that something is going to happen and our hearts beat faster as we get ready to gasp.

Music is powerful. It can soothe, motivate and inspire us. There is a reason why the national anthem is played before sporting events; music can unite us. It never fails for me; each Olympics, tears start falling at the first note of our national anthem.

Even the ancient Greek Philosopher Plato realized this when he said, “Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.”

Music has a way of connecting with our feelings so acutely that the intertwining of harmonies and lyrics can change us, make us feel different. How many times have we read in fairy tales and books that “music can calm the savage beast”? And how many days can “savage beast” describe your mood, ladies?

No matter what your genre—rock, pop, or hip-hop, nothing can help work out and massage mental stress knots like turning on the stereo and playing the music that brings you back to your center.

Cocktails optional, here is a playlist of songs that help me return to that Zen state and let my mind soar:

1. Jack Johnson, “Do You Remember?”

2. Faith No More, “Easy”

3. The Verve, “Bittersweet Symphony”

4. Dave Matthews Band, “Satellite”

5. Norah Jones, “Come Away With Me”

6. Aimee Mann, “Save Me”

7. Israel Kamakawiwo’ole, “Somewhere Over The Rainbow”

8. Ray Lamontagne, “Trouble”

9. One Republic “Stop and Stare”

10. Kings Of Leon, “I Want You”

11. Bell X1, “Eve, The Apple Of My Eye”

12. First Aid Kit, “Hard Believer”

13. Simon & Garfunkel, “The Boxer”

14. John Butler Trio, “Losing You”

15. Ray Lamontagne, “You Are The Best Thing”

Ten ways to recover from embarrassing work blunders

Photo courtesy of Keirsten Balukas

Accidentally send out an email about your sexual frustrations to your entire department when it was only meant for your friend Kate in accounting? Get the sneaking suspicion that your boss is standing at the door of your cubicle while you tell your sister on the phone about what a pathetic loser he is? Lose a major sale because you were PMS-ing and got a little too snippy with your client so he decided to go with the next guy’s proposal?

We have all suffered through such experiences at work that made us want to crawl under our desks and beg the hands on the clock to run to the end of the day. Although these blunders might not be damaging enough to get us fired, the damage to our egos might take a bit more than just an ice cream sundae to work out. Work is stressful enough on its own, last thing we need is a faux pas to make it unbearable.

Take heart, gals, because all is not lost. Remember, if there is one trait that makes us stand out as the stronger sex…as women, we can endure!

So once that closing bell rings ladies, here are ten sure ways to make you forget all about your blunders, well at least until your co-workers remind you at the next office party:

  1. Have a drink with your girls: There is a reason it’s called “Happy Hour”, and if anyone can make you see what a drama queen you are being over asking Sue from HR if she was pregnant when she has really just gained weight, it’s them.
  2. Get a blow out: Nope, not talking tires here. There are few things more relaxing that having your hair washed, scalp massaged and then blown dry to shiny, sleek perfection. Sexy hair=Sexy lady!
  3. Shoe shop: Has Carrie Bradshaw taught us nothing? Shoes always fit regardless if we are having a fat day!
  4. Read: The hotter the novel the better! My recommendation is the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris. That sexy Eric Northman can make all my woes disappear.
  5. Call your mother: She always has to tell you how beautiful, smart and sophisticated you are; that is her job.
  6. Exercise: Got to love that endorphin high after running a few miles on the treadmill! And tomorrow you can show off those toned legs wearing that oh-so-slightly, too-short, miniskirt to work.
  7. Bake: Never underestimate the power of warm chocolate chip cookies and cold milk.
  8. Listen to music: And sing and dance!
  9. Sleep: Tomorrow is a new day.
  10. Know that “This Too Shall Pass”: Remember that there are much worse things that could happen to you and probably will. But, hey, you are a strong, beautiful woman who can weather any storm with her head held high wearing the sexiest stilettos!