Advice for catty, jealous, and rude girls

Raaaaaaawr!!!! We all know someone like them. And some of us can relate to one or a few of these character types:

Insecure Izzie: Gives every girl the head-to-toe body scan, hoping to find some imperfection—a roll of fat, a clubbed foot, a lazy eye. Only then can she feel good about herself and rate the others on a subpar level. Oh yeah, and she tells her friends they look great in those jeans when they really don’t (e.g. their muffin tops are billowing over), just so she can look better than they do.

Desperate Daphne: Waits until other girls are single so she can grab their boyfriends, or tries to nab the guys from them while they’re still dating. She may smile at these girls, but when she turns around, watch out! She’s got a handbag full of secrets and a shoebox full of selfishness.

Jealous Jenny: Her blood pressure reaches Mount Everest heights when a female close to her age (especially her best friend) gets a job or becomes successful. She’s “got to” do everything she can to top other women.

Gossipin’ Gina: Calls, texts or Facebook IMs her friends to talk about how terrible Susie Shortcake looked in a miniskirt, and how DARE she wear that color with her skin tone.

Snobby Samantha: For no apparent reason, she gives you the snake eyes while you’re browsing the perfume section at Lord & Taylor. She’d probably like to knock you off a sidewalk with her vintage Louis Vuitton bag and then finish you off by “accidentally” stabbing your baby toe with the heel of her Jimmy Choo.

Bitchy Brenda: The 20-something-year-old human resources employee who tries to tell you you’re not qualified for the management job you’ve been schooled six years to do. She asks you a series of questions she has no idea about, yet tries to prove that you’re not worth the job.

Why is it that we women are constantly behaving this way? Why?!

If you’re like any of the ladies mentioned above, have a listen to what I’ve got to say.

If you’re constantly surveying other women, worrying about what other women think of you, bitching at other women in public, or can’t stop gossiping, you really need to do a self-evaluation. Many people say we act this way because we’re only human. Well, you know what? I think humans have the potential to stop being bitchy and start connecting with people, especially fellow females, in a positive way.

We need to band together instead of competing with one another. We need to STOP trying to outdo other girls to make ourselves feel better, whether it’s the amount of miles we run on a treadmill compared to other people, the price of the clothes we wear, the job we have, etc.

How do you do this?

1. Learn to be happy with yourself, your quirks, your flaws and the things that make you YOU. No matter how hard you try to be like someone else or be better than someone else, you’ll always end up being yourself. But depending on how you act and think, you can end up being your worst self, or you can be your best self. To be the best you, stop the self-criticism and stop comparing yourself to the Victoria’s Secret supermodels (it can be hard, I know! but who says they’re any better than you?). Stop competing with other women. Sure, competition can give some of us an adrenaline rush and motivate us to do better, but when we base our lives around trying to have a better car, hairdo, wardrobe, boyfriend, or body than everyone else (e.g. your best friend), all it does is screw you over in the end.

2. Realize this: when you base your happiness on winning people over, having more things than others, stealing other people’s lovers, gossiping about other girls, or just being rude to people to make yourself feel better, you’re really not making yourself happy. You’re making yourself into a bitch. And you’re not. You’re a good person. You just haven’t realized it yet. Your jealous, competitive, devious behavior may have a lot to do with your deep-seated insecurities that have possibly been repressed for years. It’s a good idea to journal about your feelings and talk to people you trust about how you are feeling. If you’re mad, get mad. Hit a pillow until it bursts if you have to. Go to the gym and attack the punching bag. If you’re sad, cry about it. Crying doesn’t make you a wuss. It makes you human. It means you actually have feelings.

3. Talk it out. If you’re angry at a female friend or you think someone is acting catty with you, talk to that person instead of fighting or gossiping about her. Talking and being honest about what’s on your mind really helps solve problems that later manifest themselves in vindictive, or just plain mean, behaviors. Talk. It. Out. Like I say, put on your big girl panties and do it already.

4. Remember that we ladies need each other for support. We are the nurturers and the caregivers. Doesn’t mean we are any less of a gender than men. It just means that we can relate to one another on an emotional level, and sometimes we let each other get so emotional that we have the urge to a) say nasty things about female friends b) rip out another girl’s hair extensions or b) throw her Tiffany’s ankle bracelet down the drain.

Those of us who devise devious plots against other women—stealing their job, their man, their creative ideas, their business plans or anything else that belongs to them—are setting themselves up for total failure in the future. I promise you that Karma can be a bitch if you’re a bitch to her. What you give out to the universe comes back to you. And what you take away, might some day be taken from you. Just remember that.

Anyway, by doing something to wrong a fellow female, you’re disgracing not only the female gender, but you’re also disgracing yourself. By giving yourself permission to treat other women that way, you’re giving other women the permission to treat you that way. This creates a domino effect among women, casting them apart instead of bringing them together.

So please, if you’re tearing away at the fabulous diva you were meant to be, just stop. The only thing competition and cattiness does is cause you stress, which takes a toll on your life. And although you may be acting catty, you don’t get nine lives. You only get one. So start living like you mean it and loving people the way you want to be loved. This isn’t a bunch of sappy motivational B.S.; it’s the truth, straight-up, like the world’s dirtiest martini. And yes, sometimes it does hurt more than the hangover.

Photo credit: Flickr Creative Commons User Leif K-Brooks