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Mary Nuessen-Brost, a 32-year-old mother of two young daughters, began working out to lose weight for her recent wedding. Driving home from the gym one day, she had an epiphany: she no longer wanted to be skinny; she wanted to be fit!

“I don’t only want to wear a size six,” Neussen-Brost explains, “I want to rock a size six. I don’t only want to look thin at the pool, I want people to say, ‘holy crap girl!’ My goals are now changed.” Like most of us, Mary was fixated on the scale in her bathroom. So she slid it into hiding and unfurled her tape measure. “I want to teach my girls that being ‘skinny’ isn’t what you should worry about, rather being fit and healthy!”

Body image is often a controversial subject. According to their policy boards, Tumblr and Pinterest have placed bans on posts promoting self-mutilation, including “Thinspirational” (Thin-spo) sites. The Huffington Post has recently published articles linking Thin-spo blogs with eating disorders, such as anorexia and bulimia, as weight loss options. Although, some sites state they are NOT pro-anorexia (Pro-ana) or pro-bulimia (Pro-mia) and they are merely attempting to provide a supportive platform for weight loss. However, there are Pro-ana and Pro-mia sites encouraging others to participate in unhealthy lifestyles in order to achieve a waiflike appearance.

The health risks involved with anorexia and bulimia are high. Lisa Brown, MS, RD, CDN and Jennifer Medina MS, RD, CDN, CDE are co-founders of Brown & Medina Nutrition in New York, and caution that “anorexia and bulimia may cause thinning hair [soft, doe-y hair] and hair loss. It affects your fingernails, skin, teeth, and, in some cases, even lead to dark, receded eyes, esophageal erosion, and brain tissue damage.” They also explain, when your body is starved, it slows down your metabolism in order to store what little nutrition it is getting. This also leads to constipation and gastro-intestinal problems. Other risks include a slowing of heart rate, sleep deprivation, swelling in the glands around the jaw and disintegration of eyesight.

For physical and emotional health, don’t focus too much on the scale or your Body Mass Index (BMI). Brown and Medina suggest a different approach to maintaining a healthy body. “There isn’t one tool to tell what is right or wrong. Instead, focus on a fuel mix and intuitive eating — Eat when you’re hungry, but use portion control.” A good reference is the “plate portion” model below. While you may feel compelled to cut sugars, fats, and carbohydrates from your diet, as suggested by some fad diets, it’s not a good idea. Brown and Medina say, “Do not cut categories. Your bodies need certain fats, sugars and carbs and when you cut them cold turkey, you leave yourself open to temptations, which can lead to binging. Be consistent.”

Photo Credit: The Habit Hacker

Exercise is the last essential aspect to a healthy body. According to Brown and Medina, you should give your gorgeous body at least 45 minutes of aerobic exercise, four days a week, and work all muscle groups twice weekly. Bodies are different, and scales and BMI charts can be misleading. They also add, “If you’re overweight, decreasing your starting weight by 10 percent will decrease your risk of heart disease and other diet related illnesses;” for example, diabetes.

Discovery Fit and Health lists the following as the best foods for healthy skin. Seafoods, particularly those high in Omega 3, citrus fruits (vitamin C), red and green vegetables (vitamin A and beta carotene), nuts (vitamin E) and whole grains are essential for beautiful, young, and healthy looking skin. WebMD also lists the same foods, plus beans, poultry, eggs and carrots for beautiful silky hair. In a related article they also suggest strawberries, blackberries, and blueberries for cancer prevention. A quick Internet search will provide you with plenty of literature linking healthy diets with beauty.

For further healthy eating and exercising advice, the website for Brown & Medina Nutrition has a resources page loaded with books and articles. While bombarded by babes on billboards and Hollywood hotties, fad diets and trendy cleanses, remind yourself that healthy is always in fashion.

If there’s one thing that really annoys me, it’s turning on the television and seeing self-righteous nutritionists on the news wagging a finger at the camera, saying, “don’t eat this, because it’ll make you fat,” and “eat this, but don’t eat that.”

Oy. It makes me want to jump through the TV screen and yell at them. If we all lived in a Pollyanna world, we’d be eating clean every second of every day. In fact, most of my diet is clean and nutritious. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to cheat a couple times during the week. And it sure as hell doesn’t mean I’m going to feel bad about myself if I do. Those days are long gone.

For most of us, feeling guilty and stressed over food only leads to bingeing, and often, purging via exercise. Or it can lead to giving up on yourself and your health goals (e.g. “I feel bad about myself, so I’m just going to eat more ice cream, because I’m a hopeless case anyway.”).

I’ve learned from Marc David, M.A., nutritionist and psychologist who founded the Psychology of Eating Institute in Boulder, Colorado, that the way you think and the way you eat can actually affect your metabolism. That’s right. And what is metabolism? Metabolism, from a food psychologist’s perspective, is really the sum of the body’s chemical reactions as well as thoughts, emotions and feelings. It’s your body’s calorie-burning machine, since a calorie is a unit of thermic energy, or heat.

In my studies as a food psychology coach, Marc explained that up to 80 percent of digestion, relaxation, assimilation and calorie-burning power comes from something called the CPDR- cephalic phase digestive response. Cephalic (sef-ah-lick) means “of the head,” and studies show that we need to experience more than full bellies; we need to experience taste, aroma, satisfaction, colors/visuals and pleasure (yes, PLEASURE, people!) in order to increase our digestion and calorie burning capacity.

Why? Because when we are relaxed during a meal, we tend to breathe more deeply—there’s no way you’re going to pant and gasp for air when you’re calm and collected. Deep breaths and a state of emotional, psychological enjoyment help increase blood flow to the digestive tract and stimulate digestion and metabolism.

When you’re shoveling down food in a rushed or guilty manner (e.g. my boyfriend dumped me so I’ll chow down an entire Big Mac with fries in 30 seconds), how can you digest it? Do you even taste your food? Chances are if you really got the chance to slowly eat a fast-food burger, you might not even like the taste. But how would you know if you didn’t take the time to notice? And the reverse can be true. I think if most people really savored a good piece of parmesan cheese, they’d notice the sweet and salty combination that makes mouths water. Same goes for chocolate. Or even a delicious chocolate ice cream / frozen yogurt.

Which leads me to that quadrillion dollar question question: should I really be eating that? “OMIGOD, cheese is so fattening.” Or, “I can’t eat ice cream. People will think I’m a pig. I have a wedding dress to fit into.”

So, now there’s this split in your thoughts. I need pleasure to digest and burn calories, but the foods that give me pleasure are bad for me. Uh oh.

Listen up. Instead of telling you WHICH foods to eat, I’m going to give you a few pointers.

1. Experts who preach the “right foods” and “right way” to eat don’t always have the right answer. If there was one true answer, then why are there so many different diets and nutritionists with different beliefs about what keeps people at the optimal weight? Over the years, beliefs in the realm of science and nutrition have changed. And they’re going to change again. Fortunately, the internal mechanisms you’re born with, such as the cephalic phase digestive response, which actually requires pleasure to help burn calories, won’t change.

2. Your thoughts have a huge, huge impact on your weight. If you choose to fear the food instead of enjoy it, you’ll increase stress hormones such as cortisol and insulin, which can actually lead to weight gain. Slow down and relax. Chances are, if you’re relaxed, you won’t raise these hormone levels and you won’t overeat (do you remember the last time you scarfed down a bag of Doritos® when relaxed?).

3. Certain foods, even those deemed “bad” for us, are not harmful when eaten in small qualities and much less frequently than healthier foods.

4. Quality of food matters. Stay away from trans fats and hydrogenated oils. If you’re going to have ice cream, buy the natural kind. If you’re going to eat a flavored yogurt, get the organic kind without any high fructose corn syrup (the Yoplait stuff has a disgraceful amount of sugar, and in my opinion, is really just masquerading as yogurt).

5. Exercise is important, but it’s not the best choice to do it when you’re constantly thinking “I’m fat and I’m no good unless I work out.” Instead, think of exercise as a reward for your body— something that will energize you. When you exercise this way, you’re less stressed and more likely to breathe deeply and take in more oxygen, which helps burn calories.

6. Don’t eat with people you don’t like. Don’t eat with people who make you feel bad about yourself. This will only cause you negative thoughts—>stress—>lower your calorie burning capacity.

For more detailed, personalized help on metabolism or body image issues, visit www.danielletravali.com, where I can coach you via phone or Skype.

So, stop feeling bad about yourself and just eat. Eat slowly. Eat mindfully. Eat with people you love.

Last weekend I was in a fitting room and overheard a disappointing conversation between a mother and her daughter. The mom was practically yelling at her daughter, “You used to be a size zero and one. Now you’re a seven!?” While I couldn’t see either of them, I could hear the pain in the girl’s voice as she answered, “I’m not fat mom.” I kept my mouth shut and wiggled my curves into a sweater marked “XL” and recalled a time when my mom made similar comments to me. As I continued shopping, I overheard the mother say something else I didn’t much like. “If you get into double digits, you’re meeting with a nutritionist.” The young girl, not fat at all, came into view with her head hung and near tears. Another shopper and I exchanged appalled glances and I murmured, within earshot of the dis-approving mother, “Sounds like she actually wants her daughter to have an eating disorder.” Then we parted, both darting you’re-a-mean-mommy faces at the woman.

Yes, it’s important to remain healthy. Obesity can lead to a variety of health problems and concerns. While it’s a mothers right to worry about the health of her children, there’s a time, a place, and a way to say it so feelings don’t get hurt. The girl, I’m estimating to be about 15 or 16-years-old, wasn’t fat and didn’t seem unhealthy in any way. She had a cute figure. Yes, there may have been other factors attributing to her mother’s concerns that I, a complete stranger, wouldn’t know anything about. But, if she wanted to keep that private, she should have had a private conversation with the girl, not yelling at her in a public forum.

At 5’10” and not exactly model-thin, I feel the pangs of weight control in my everyday life. I’ve had to hear from my mom, ex-boyfriends, friends and acquaintances, “If you just lost weight, you could be a model!” If I weighed 110 pounds, I might be offered thousands of dollars so some deranged fashion designer can hang their latest masterpiece on me as I strut down a catwalk. But I don’t weigh 110 pounds. I’m curvy, lugging around D cups, a tummy and an apple bottom. No, I’m not a model and I’m fine with that. And I think we all need to stop, take a look at how amazing we are, no matter what shape or size, and celebrate ourselves!

Being a woman isn’t easy. It never has been and it probably never will be. And while some of us wouldn’t be considered “beautiful” by Hollywood standards, we shouldn’t accept that we aren’t beautiful in other ways. Almost every woman, from the catwalk to NEDA (National Eating Disorders Association) walks has something about herself she’d like to change. We need to stop focusing on the stuff we don’t like, and focus on something we love about ourselves. What do you like about yourself? Do you have pretty hands? Cute ears? Nice lips? I think I have pretty eyes. Not to mention a pretty kick sense of humor. Don’t worry about what you’re not. Don’t focus on negatives. Beauty on the inside really does translate to the outside. Have you ever seen a boy that was so cute he made your knees weak only to find out he was a jerk, then suddenly he’s not so cute anymore? Don’t worry about those boys that don’t like you or call you names. They’re not worth the fantastic energy inside you right now.

My final message to anyone struggling with their self-image is this; Please don’t hurt your selves. Anorexia, bulimia and compulsive exercise are serious conditions and you should seek help. There are much healthier and fun ways to get in shape. If you feel embarrassed or ashamed to talk to your parents, talk to a friend or a teacher, anyone that might be able to help you get a handle on your issue. Learning healthy habits can be fun. No really…IT CAN BE. For example; learning how to tap dance is a hell of a good time and a lot more fun than starving yourself! If tap dancing doesn’t sound fun to you, there are tons of other ways to get fit. All you need to do is check into it!

Be healthy and be happy. Find something to laugh about every day. Laughing is my favorite way to burn calories! Plus, it’s been scientifically proven to extend your fabulous and amazingly beautiful life!

Photo credit: CollegeLifestyles.org

Photo courtesy of "Suez92," www.flickr.com

I live in New York City. I can’t walk down a street without seeing images of perfect-looking women; magazine and store ads with beautiful, waifish women glisten on taxis, buses and billboards. When you are faced with that kind of pressure to fit into an ideal, it can be impossible to love the body God gave you, let alone accept it. As women, we constantly aim to please with our looks. Why do you think Victoria’s Secret was created? We wear our jeans tighter, our heels higher, our shirts more low-cut; anything to be found desirable by those around us.

The need to appear perfect is inherent in women, but the capability to understand that perfection is impossible is not as easy for us to accept. When we see, for example, Gisele’s pouty lips and long hair flowing around her lingerie-perfect body, we will stop at nothing to look like a runway model. But for many of us, it just won’t happen.

The staff of Glamour magazine started a revolution when they posted a nude picture of plus-size model Lizzie Miller. When I saw it, I thought, “Well, it’s about time!” The time has come for women to begin realizing that they are beautiful, no matter WHAT they look like.

In honor of Love Your Body Day, I spoke to a few female friends who have finally come to accept the beautiful bodies they were born with. When I asked what having a positive body image meant to them, each answer was strikingly different. My friend Rachel thinks that self-confidence, culture and environment play a role in body image, while my friends Tia and Sandy think it’s more introspective.

Sandy says, “Having a positive body image is about supporting yourself emotionally and physically. By that, I mean don’t stand in front of the mirror and pick yourself apart by noticing all of your flaws. Everyone wants to change something about themselves, but you can’t dwell on what you want to change. Love what you have and work on making those attributes stand out—the rest will fall into place.”

Tia believes, “Positive body image is accepting your own body. All of it. All the parts you love about it and even the parts you perceive as being flawed. And if you want to work on your the parts you believe are flawed, do that in a way that won’t cause harm to your body.”

When asked about their least positive experiences with their body, my friends responded differently. For Sandy it was in junior high.

“I was teased and harassed for my weight and the way I dressed,” she said. “Back then, it was incredibly difficult to find plus sizes, especially for a 13-year-old. Shopping was something I dreaded and I always settled for clothes my mother picked out that I really didn’t like just because I didn’t think anything else would fit. My style looked somewhere in between five-years-old to 80; it seemed to skip right over the teen trends all together.”

Rachel’s body image, on the other hand, was affected by a very specific incident. “When I first injured my knee, I was in an awkward leg brace. It was conspicuous and ungainly.”

But everyone has a turning point where acceptance begins to overturn negativity. For Tia, it came in the form of other people. “The turning point for me was definitely in an acting class I took,” she said. “One day, we sat around and had to say a positive thing about other people in the class and something positive about ourselves. I raved about my classmates but had nothing to say about myself. They all had such great things to say about me, but it was overwhelming. For a second I thought they might have been lying. But that day, I decided to try to find the positive in everything about myself. Especially my body.”

Sandy found strength in her creativity to help her overcome her negativity. “The more I was passionate about things I enjoyed like writing and music, the more I shined on the outside. I faced the world unafraid because despite what judgments might be made on my appearance, I knew I was beautiful all around.”

Rachel’s inspiration came from someone very special to her. Yet she admits it’s still an adjustment. “When I re-met my (now) fiancée, it took me a long time to accept [that he really sees me as beautiful]. I accept his acceptance, but sometimes I still have doubts.”

After the turning point, all of my friends are in much happier and more accepting places. Here’s their advice to you:

Tia: “Learn to look at the positive about yourself, love your body because you only get one. You can work at the things you want to change but accept those things that you can’t. We spend a lot of time comparing ourselves to each other when we should embrace the fact that we are all unique and different.”

Sandy: “Say one good thing about your body every day. When you look in the mirror, don’t pinch your stomach and frown. Smile when you look at yourself. It makes you prettier. If you really don’t like something about yourself and you can work on it, do so, but don’t obsess and put yourself down over it.”

Now, I’m not exempt from the conversation, either. My own personal battle with positive body image is something that I started fighting at a young age. I was mercilessly teased for being so thin and tall; called everything from “stretch” to “scarecrow” to “beanpole.” It wasn’t easy for me to hear, let alone feel secure enough to look in a mirror without hearing those words in the back of my mind. By fifth grade, I was the second tallest girl in my class, with glasses and braces. Eventually the braces came off, but I was still getting taller. Junior high was like hell. I was taller than almost all of my friends (except for one other girl who was as tall and as thin as I was.) It crushed me to hear that the boy I liked didn’t like me back because I was “too tall.”

In high school, boys started to notice me, but mainly because I started wearing short skirts in the summer and shirts that stopped slightly below my belly button—about an inch above the start of my tight jeans. Dressing more provocatively didn’t get me any dates either—just more looks as I walked down the street. It wasn’t until college that I really began to accept and love my body. I gained a few pounds, filled out in a few places and finally started going out with guys.

One night when I stood in front of a guy, completely naked with the lights on, he called me sexy. I had never believed it before, but something started to change in me. Soon after that, I didn’t mind having sex with the lights on! Now, I accept that being thin and tall is who I am. Even though most people see my body type as an ideal to strive for, I can tell you it’s still annoying. It’s hard to find jeans that fit legs with a thirty-five inch inseam. But when my boyfriend runs his hands over my curves and tells me I’m beautiful, I believe him.