Okay, so you gained a few pounds during your winter slump, you lost your job, or maybe the love of your life dumped you. Whatever the matter may be…GET OVER IT!

Ladies, it’s about time that we get up off our behinds and start living. Sulking over a few unwanted pounds will only bring us deeper into a rut. So take your hands out of the bag of potato chips, remove yourself from the kitchen, and listen up.

There is something so irresistible about a woman who knows what she wants. Look at Samantha Jones from Sex and the City, a powerful woman, who strives to satisfy herself in every pleasurable way. When a woman knows what she wants, her mind can only focus on the act of obtaining everything and anything.

Do you ever wonder how certain women have the job, the body, and the man too? Well, the secret to success and having everything you want lies entirely on you and the way you feel about yourself.

It’s hard enough to pull ourselves out of a rut, especially when we are disgusted with our current life-style. Happiness may seem impossible to attain, but here’s the kicker…everything is at your fingertips, you just have to want it.

Recently, I was given the greatest advice that would lift me out of my own self- wallowing rut. After complaining about my nonexistent love life, my lack of motivation in my work, and my over excessive eating habits, my therapist said to me, “Judiann, do what you love and everything else will follow.” After letting this marinate in my mind for bit, it hit me, before the boys, before the job, is me, I come first.

If we set out to look for something, or someone, like a boyfriend, the odds of us actually finding our knight in shining armor at our local pub is pretty slim to none, so take this time to get in touch with yourself and bring yourself back to happiness without the boyfriend blues and try to understand what it is that you truly need.

For me, I thought the answer to all of my problems was to pack my things and leave. But we all know, that it’s not about where we are physically, it’s about where we are at mentally. You can’t run away from your problems when the problem lies within you. Here’s a life tip to remember: we can never escape ourselves, so you might as well embrace it.

The difference between planning and doing.
The amount of times I have made a list of things to do and accomplished nothing on it is pretty pathetic. The key here is to just act. Stop thinking and start doing. The more we think about what it is that we want to do, the less we do, and the more we doubt.

A confident person does not doubt herself, she believes in herself. Believing in your decisions shows that you know what you want, and as a result, you’ll be sure to get it.

When it comes to job interviews, first dates, and anything that requires you to be fully present in mind, body, and spirit, this is important to keep in mind. Go with your gut. It’s always right.

Don’t be afraid to be yourself.
For me, I like to break people in by using my sense of humor, but when I get nervous, I tend to clam up and avoid dropping my inappropriate one-liners. Obviously there is a time and a place for everything, but when it comes to certain scenarios, like being out with your girlfriends on a Saturday night, there is no reason to hold back. If you have to think about every little thing before you say it, the chances are, you’re afraid of rejection. Why tone down who you actually are? Let it all hang out and if someone doesn’t like it, then it’s on to the next.

Prioritize.
A very wise woman once told me that everyone has the right to be happy. This always stuck in my mind because when it comes down to making a decision, ideally, I want to do what makes me happy. Girls, we can’t possibly please everyone, so do what is right for you. Knowing that your happiness is just as important shows that you trust and love yourself. Besides, we can’t expect people to love us if we can’t love ourselves.

Don’t let Insecurities burn your bridges.
Even I am at fault for this one. For some odd reason, girls especially, tend to be apologetic for every little thing they do. I don’t know what the deal is, or when this all began, but enough is enough. We’re women and we are powerful. Put an end to apologizing and stop pointing out your insecurities. Guys do not find this attractive. In my life, the girls who are in happy relationships are the ones who are confident in their relationship. Insecurities and relationships is a recipe for disaster.

Displaying your insecurities is a sign of weakness, so why advocate that you are a weak person to the entire world? When it comes down to your career, kick this habit to the curb. Hold your head up high, act like you know what you’re doing, and you’ll kill it in an interview. Confidence shows that you can handle stressful situations, so look sexy doing it and land that awesome job you’ve only dreamed about.

In the words of Helen Reddy, “I am strong, I am invincible, I am woman.” Listen girls, I am not saying to go off and burn your bras, but as a modern feminist, I feel as though the biggest downfall for girls today is their lack of confidence in themselves. As a result we do not get the respect that we deserve. Let’s break this vicious cycle and grab life by the balls, or whatever you’d like to grab, (hello, it’s 2011…anything goes!) and show the world that confidence is always sexy.

Photo credit: Flickr Creative Commons User “www.chicagofabulousblog.com”

Dear Dr. G,

I recently walked away from a guy that I know was bad news, and this past weekend he got in touch with me. Per usual he was mean and made me feel guilty. His exact words were, “I have no interest in being a part of your future,” to which I responded, “okay” (of course this was all via text). How is it possible he can make me feel so bad when he’s the bad guy?

-Exhausted

Dear Exhausted,

First, I am so sorry that this guy continues to intrude upon your life. He can make you feel bad because you likely made yourself vulnerable with him and then it feels like he rejected “the real you.” In fact, he sounds like the kind of person who you would eventually have gotten disgusted with. My advice is to remove him from all aspects of your life. Clear out gifts and items that remind you of him. Disconnect from him electronically and otherwise. Do not express ambivalence with him or he will eat you for dinner. Clean house literally and emotionally and move on!

He can select a different item on the menu for dinner and you can focus on more inspirational people in your life. Lose him like a hot potato.

Good Luck!
Dr. G

Photo credit: Flickr Creative Commons User “Titanas”

Dear Dr. G,

How you can prevent yourself from being drained by those energy vampires–people who are so negative that they cause you to lose your vitality?

Signed,
Drained

Dear Drained,

My guess is that you have tolerated “energy vampires” for way too long and that you are now approaching exhaustion and resentment. It’s impossible to avoid having your blood sucked by them because that is, after all, what defines them. First, you can try to set limits with them like ending a phone call before you feel like screaming. Second, you can limit exposure to only one or two “vampires” at any given point in your life. Or, you can quickly identify an energy vampire and then run, don’t walk, to another location. Trust me, the vampire will find other people to suck dry. YIKES!

Good luck. Stay rejuvenated and inspired!
Dr. G.

The following article was written by Dr. G’s well-trusted fitness trainer Bob Cioppa and originally published in the St. John Sun Times. Originally titled “How Not to Become a Sumo Wrestler.” Used with permission from the author.

Photo credit: Flickr Creative Commons User Meg Lessard

Dear Dr. G.,

You know, since everyone is talking about the Royal Wedding and the gorgeous, elegant Kate Middleton (technically now Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge), I was wondering if you had about 7-10 tips to help women respect themselves—to treat themselves like the princess they are every day. What are some things you do to treat your mind and body with love, like a daily routine to build self-esteem and reinforce positive thinking?

~Holly

Hey there,

Well, I looked up the definition of princess and was delighted to find that one of the many definitions was “an outstanding woman.” So sisters, you don’t need to be part of a royal family to be a princess. The more difficult question of course is how to FEEL like a princess.

My gift to all the women out there is to offer up some ideas for how to make yourself feel like a princess on a daily basis. Thank you, Holly, for this grand task! You always keep me on my toes. Here goes.

Each day:

1. Wear one whimsical item that makes you feel just wonderful. For me, it’s an outrageously beautiful pair of earrings that make lots of noise. They have tiny bells on them. They make me feel like a rock and roll star.

2. Find a scent that makes you feel irresistible and apply it lightly before any meeting that you feel anxious about.

3. Put on a smile and people will think you’ve got a secret. And who, I ask you, is more intriguing than a woman with a secret?

4. Do something that makes you feel slightly guilty like buying a gossipy magazine, pretending that you are a belly dancer, etc.

5. Take care of your skin. Apply a little moisturizer or a little lip gloss. It’s my experience that a little moisture really makes the skin and the woman in that skin very happy.

AND

6. Move. Shake. Walk. Stretch. Dance. Get a bit of exercise each day. Your body will thank you!

~Dr. G.

Photo credit: Flickr Creative Commons User Robynlou Kavanagh, a.k.a. “Robynlou8″

Dear Dr. G,

Even as a self-help guru who loves to empower women, I’m only human. And lately, I’ve been struggling lately with some self-esteem issues. I have a hard time taking criticism, even if it’s constructive criticism. Do you have any tips on how to accept criticism / negative comments without internalizing or taking them personally? I’d love to learn how to let things roll off my back, but sometimes it’s hard. I would love any suggestions to help reinforce girls and women when they’re feeling down.

~Holly

Dear Holly,

Join the club of female healers who give all they’ve got and then get depleted when they get criticized despite that. Sometimes others will recognize that you need some praise and some emotional candy for the soul. More likely, people will point out your shortcomings. Your sensitivity is both a blessing and a curse but you probably already knew that. It’s a blessing because it’s your sensitivity that allows you to help others. It’s a curse because it can make you unusually reactive to feedback from others. My suggestion is to listen to the negative comments and see if any of the content resonates with you. If not, then find yourself a new group of friends who make you feel great and who make you feel replenished.

And, most importantly, develop a personal mantra that you can say to yourself during those tough moments. Mine is “remember who you are, Barbara!” and guess what? It works for me.

Dr. G.

Photo credit: www.wordle.net

Spring signifies a time of new beginnings and growth. As the weather gets warmer and the days get longer, we begin to abandon our chunky wool sweaters for lighter ware. We’re also able to realize how much we’ve accumulated over winter. Spring is also synonymous with spring cleaning, a time to purge all the junk (physical and mental) that we have piled up over the cold months of being indoors.

In her book Unclutter Your Life in One Week, Erin Rooney Doland (2009 Gallery Books) takes readers on a journey of her personal battle to get rid of all of the clutter in her life. Doland describes clutter as a distraction. She says it can come in many forms – physical, time management, mental, and bad systems. Doland breaks down the decluttering process into seven areas, each which she recommends doing on a different day. By using her system, she promises that by the end of a full week, your life will be clutter-free.

While it may not be practical for the average person to complete all the tasks in one week, Doland creates a very methodical and systematic way for beginners to start organizing their lives. Instead of just merely telling you what to do, Doland also mentions why you should get rid of certain items.

For example, Doland mentions two reason to keep documents. The first reason is to (CYA) cover your ass, so she suggests keeping documents related to your identity, your job / work, and any other documents that could cause you grief later if you lost them and needed to prove something to someone. The second reason to keep documents would be to extend your knowledge. This would include items such as manuals, organizational charts and research that is too large to remember on its own.

When rearranging your workspace, Doland recommends three major fixes to start. First, clear a walkway for easy entry and exit. Second, take a look at your lighting to make sure you can see well, but without too much glare. Lastly, Doland also recommends checking the ergonomics of your workspace to ensure you are comfortable and will not end up with a back, neck, or wrist ache later.

For getting chores done, Doland recommends creating cues, such as a playlist to motivate you. Examples of cues that we live by each day are traffic signals which tell us to stop or go or fire alarms which signify us that there is danger and we must leave the building we are in. By creating a cue, it will tell your brain that it is time to get something done.

All in all, Doland’s book is a must-read for people looking to organize their lives. Doland not only provides ways to organize your physical space, but also your communication processes such as email, meeting strategies and the ability to selectively say “yes.” No matter how much clutter you need to get rid of, even if you are only able to incorporate a few of Doland’s tactics, your life will be better for it.

Photo credit: Amazon.com / Erin Rooney Doland

April Fool’s Day has come and gone. Are you still a fool for love? Or about love? I know how you feel, believe me. After my first (and only, let’s hope) divorce, I realized the biggest problem in that marriage was that I’d chosen – no, I had settled for –the wrong man for me in the first place. I‘d been a victim of my own inexperience with myself.

In a nutshell, back then I asked myself many of the wrong questions when sizing up a guy. Like – how much money does he earn? Is he cute? What will my friends think of him? Does he dress well? And – of course – is he always on my mind? Do I count the hours since we last spoke, do I relive every single thing he said the last time we were
together?

Hmmm. That was the biggest clue. I thought that obsession was love. I thought that my heart – and other body parts – would provide the best clues to the right man. But no. It wasn’t long after my bridal gown went into storage that I realized I had not married my best friend. Two kids and seven years later, I finally realized we were better off apart. And that I’d better pay attention to what really mattered the next time I went out into the dating world.

And I did venture out, and tried lots of combinations of me plus someone else. I now call that period “relationship high school.” With each experience – from a fantasy thought to a full-blown relationship and all sorts of stuff in between – I made it my goal to learn from every frog (kissed or unkissed) so I could truly recognize the prince when he showed up. And it worked.

Here’s what happened: Happily – and Realistically – Ever After. Yes, I am remarried- to my best friend. We laugh a lot together, we have fun, we respect each other, and we can weather the storms as a team. He makes me a cup of tea every night – without complaining.. He thinks I’m cute in my flannel bathrobe. And for that, I thank every single frog who came along before my husband showed up. Each one, a learning experience.

Here, then, are the Ten Lessons from “Relationship High School”:

1. Your crushes are a clue to your desires. Got a crush on someone who belongs to someone else? Do not plan to “steal him away.” Hands off! Falling for unavailable guys may mean that true intimacy scares you – it’s easier to fall for the married – or, let’s face it, the gay – guy. But do figure out what qualities he has that attract you so much, and look for that in someone who is available.

2. Embrace your own quirks. If you truly love someone, don’t you find it adorable – at least at first – that he still wears his favorite shirt from college? Yet – do you try to be Little Miss Perfect for fear of being rejected? If you find your own little quirks acceptable – or, better yet, adorable – then someone else will too. I, for instance, absolutely hate black olives. Even one speck on a salad. My husband will proudly announce that to the waiter as if he is the keeper of my best secrets. Now that’s cute.

3. Notice your own victim thinking. If you find yourself thinking, “This is the best I can do,” or “There are no good men left,” or “Things never work out for me in relationships,” then go to the nearest article on positive thinking and change those thoughts! When I stopped saying “Poor me, single again!” and started saying “I always meet new men,” everything changed.

4. Notice your own comfort level. Your best guy will love you in sweat pants, with a cold, on a bad hair day. Yes. Do you feel like you can’t do anything right around this guy? Run! (If you never feel secure with anyone, you might want to run to your therapist.) Most of us have people with whom we can be completely ourselves. That’s the feeling you want.

5. What do you really want? Make a list. I swear, it works. What are the deal- breakers, and the must-haves? And be specific. For me, one key was: “If he were a co-worker, would I be stopping by his desk every day to see how he is? Would he be stopping by mine?” In other words, are we truly interested in each other? Yes, each other. Love is not a one-way street. Never. If he does not love you back, he is not the right one.

6. Trust your gut -sometimes. Here’s where the secret signals come in. If he’s a really nice guy but you cringe if his fingers touch yours over the wine glass, then it’s a no-go. Guys can learn to kiss, but if their touch repels you then bye-bye. Your body is telling you something your brain doesn’t want to hear.

7. Be aware of old messages from your past. Like it or not, we are shaped by the men in our lives, from your father (or lack of one) to the boy you loved in third grade. Look at these relationships. Dad? Brothers? Other relatives? What messages did these relationships give you? And do you choose to accept them now? Still there? Still valid? A favorite (not really) from my childhood: You are not good enough. Took me a long time to re-examine and actively replace that message. Yes, it can be done, but it must begin with awareness.

8. Take a good look at love in the media, too. OK, start counting. How many movies, from Disney cartoons to Pretty Woman, contain the message that the good girl (yes, even a hooker) can transform the bad boy? And how many times have you fallen for the bad boy, with just this fantasy in mind? When you see a rom com, be aware that these are often just fairy tales for grownups. Enjoy, but don’t expect it to be that way in real life all the time. And let’s not leave out commercials. Yeah, that list goes on forever: Jewelry equals true love. He will notice you if your eyelashes are longer. Perfume will attract him forever. You must have a perfect body or you are not loveable. STOP! Do you really want a man who will dump you if you gain five pounds?

9. Create some new fantasies that really count. Can you imagine this guy in those? I used to dream of a dozen roses and a carriage ride through Central Park (oops, those movies again). Then I got them on a first date – ooh how my girlfriends drooled! -but the guy turned out to be judgmental and really full of himself by the third. Yuck. Sure, I love flowers, too – but they don’t equal a relationship. When I changed the scenarios of my fantasies, I started recognizing true love much more easily. Can you imagine this guy rubbing your feet at the end of a tough day- and enjoying it just because it makes you happy? Would you have fun spending a weekend away with this person, even if – no, especially if -the car breaks down or the waiter spills a drink? How do you feel about yourself when you are with him? Secure and loved, or in danger of doing the wrong thing? Drama does not equal love. If this is the right guy for you, someday he’s gonna have to think you are beautiful with wrinkles and stretch marks. Can you see that?

10. Between relationships? That, too, is happiness. Use the time to enjoy your own company, and hang with your friends – doing more than just looking for the next guy. Volunteer. See the chick movies guys usually hate. Clean out your closet. Clean out your mind. Remind yourself that life is good – with a boyfriend or without. In fact, each phase complements the other. Sometimes I sit at breakfast with my hubby, who wakes up talking, and part of me longs for the days of morning quiet time when I was single. I was happy then -and I’m happy now. That’s the biggest secret of all. Love yourself, love your life, be open to the changes that love brings, but not dependent upon it.

Happy Spring!

Photo credit: Flickr Creative Commons User Ben Sutherland

Many of us are taught to believe that something in us makes us unworthy of happiness. We may try to convince ourselves that we deserve the best in life, but until we really start to believe it, we’re going to get crappy results. And until we stop letting others control our views of life, we’re going to keep getting sucked into Debbie Downer’s Dirt Devil.

A lot of people are skeptical about the power of positive thinking. Before I discovered how to make positive thoughts work for me, I was also cynical about how something as simple as changing my thoughts could help change my life for the better. I’d try it out for a while, but it wouldn’t be long before I’d grow impatient with the “lack” of results, and begin relying on the comfort of some of my deeply engrained pessimistic views.

For months I found myself on an emotional see-saw trying to make the most out of this “new age” way of thinking, but not really understanding how to use it correctly. It took a lot of soul searching and research before I realized the simple explanation that I’m about to share with you. Relying on positive thinking alone is like rubbing a lamp and hoping for a genie to pop out. Please do not misinterpret what I’m about to say. I’m not saying that positive thinking is futile, I’m merely saying that changing your thoughts alone is useless if you do not change the negative habits that accompany those thoughts.

For example: You may decide that you are going to begin each day by affirming your financial prosperity. Each morning you get up and say to yourself “I am financially abundant and financially prosperous.” However, because your current reality may not match up with this positive thought, a part of you is doubtful about the possibility of change, you find yourself complaining to others about your finances, or worrying about your piling debt and unpaid bills.

When your beliefs and actions do not match your positive affirmations, you are not supplying your positive thought with enough reinforcement to create long-lasting change. Just as actions speak louder than words, your actions need to coincide and reinforce your positive thinking. Don’t just think positive. Be positive, and act accordingly to the positive thoughts that you are asserting. Think of your life as a plant and positive thinking as the seed for change.

Louise L. Hay, one of the founders of the self-help movement, once stated:

“Affirmations are like planting seeds in the ground. First they germinate, then they sprout roots, and then they shoot up through the ground. It takes some time to go from a seed to a full-grown plant. And so it is with affirmations—it takes some time from the first declaration to the final demonstration.
Be patient.”

I would like to add to this statement by saying that just as it takes time for a seed to grow to a full-grown plant, it also needs to be nurtured and planted in good soil. Your actions and beliefs are the water and soil that help bring your positive thoughts to life.

You have to believe that you deserve what you desire and act as if it is already yours to claim in order to create a positive change in your life.

In her book “Experience Your Good Now,” Louise L. Hay says,

“An affirmation (positive thought) opens the door. It’s a beginning point on the path to change. In essence, you’re saying to your subconscious mind: “I am taking responsibility. I am aware that there is something I can do to change.”

You have the power to change your life. Take responsibility by working on some of the engraved negative beliefs that exist within your subconscious and make an effort to not only think happy but feel and be happy.

Photo credit: Flickr Creative Commons User Alex Cheek

I’m a self-help “guru,” so I feel great all the time, right? Wrong! I’m constantly working on myself. I’ve got tons of flaws and tons of acne scars I cover up with great-quality concealer. And I’m not exactly a happy bunny every day. I can get quite moody. My birth chart from some astrology website says it’s because I’m an overly sensitive and dramatic Pisces. I say it’s because I’m human. And female. And passionate. I do think a lot, and sometimes my mind gets me into trouble; I get arrested by my own thoughts!